mustard.

so i haven't blogged in awhile and i've been trying to think of things to write about, but nothing blog-worthy *in my mind* has happened, so here's a catch-up. (as opposed to mustard, u get the title now? wooo). anywho. june has been such a rough month. i am so glad to see the last 3 hrs of this awful month crawling by. good riddance june 09.

sooo many people have passed away this month, it makes me nauseous just to think about it. r.i.p to all of you. you & your families are in my thoughts & prayers. i don't want to dwell on that too much bcuz it gets me too worked up. anyways, two of my very best friends and 1 family member had hospital visits. it started to hit too close to home. marisa dislocated her elbow, katie got her appendix removed, and poor dave pretty much got wrecked. but everyone's okay now and things are on the up and up! i promise i won't focus on the negative too much. i know i'm completely overreacting, but i found a flea on penny & i flipped out! i was sooooo upset. i immediately threw her in a bath (so she got her SECOND bath, no pictures this time, i was too distressed) and bought frontline as fast as i could. hopefully that'll be the first AND last i see of them. i have to get her fixed next month & i'm so nervous. i've also been a little sick this month, waiting for results on thursday. more to come then.

on the briiiighter side: good things about this month, the float!! i have to admit, i was pretty disappointed with the float this year. everybody wasn't as happy-go-lucky as i would've liked, but booze, sun, and water?? i couldn't NOT have a good time. hopefully there'll be more pictures to come, but i kind of doubt it. i'm trying to plan another one this year, but with time & money idk if i can see that happening. next time i go, though i'm going with a "no shirt, no shoes, no problems" attitude and only bringing those who comply. i'll write a separate blog on the float when i get pictures cuz theres lots of stories to tell there. on another note, i seriously had one of the best days of my life today. i love my mom SO much. she seriously makes my heart smile in the way only someone you love unconditionally with your entire heart, without boundaries can. usually when i work early or have the day off on a monday or tuesday i'll make it a point to go to westminster & visit my mama cuz life isn't as bright when i haven't seen her face in awhile. i didn't realize how much my happiness relies on her till today. so, it had been one or two weeks since we hung out so she texted me telling me she missed me and wanted to hang out. well, i got off at 11:30am today and days like these are perfect to hang out cuz i just go to her house right after work, then come home around 6, right on time to make jason dinner. so we have a routine. every single time we hang out, we go to the mall, stop @ target AND bath & body works (where my mom blows WAYYY too much money on lotion cuz she likes to 'smell good'). seriously, the ladies @ b&bw know us. it's so cute. then we always go to ross & act like complete white trash in the store & laugh & dance our butts off. anyways, so my mom wanted to get mani/pedis today first so we went and got our nails done, which is always fun bcuz we talk and act silly and get pampered @ the same time. the ladies @ the salon love my mom. so then we went to ross, laughed like we always do then headed to the mall. we walked around and window shopped and headed to b&bw. the reason it was so amazing is because the whole time i honestly forgot i was with my mom. i felt like i was with my best friend in the whole wide world who i know loves me SO much, is the most positive person, makes me feel so good about myself and makes me laugh like i'm 4 again. so we headed to b&bw where i got to talking to the sales lady (who, mind you, knows me & mom) about aromatherapy & my insomnia. and she points out this one lotion thing that smells soooo good & relaxing and my mom jumped in and just bought it for me and lectured me about how much she loves me and wants me to feel better and she wants me to have it. mind you, i don't like my mom buying things for me, but it was only $10 and i could tell it made her feel so good. so after being at the mall for a few hours we went to head towards bella terra, but in the parking lot i seriously got in the closest call to an accident without actually being in an accident in my ENTIRE life. this stupid old asshole almost t-boned me and i slammed on my brakes harder than i ever have in my entire life and he just kept driving! i seriously was SO beyond scared and ENRAGED and scared for my mom and more pissed off. i seriously only didn't hit him by the grace of God. anyways i made him pull over (by cutting him off & slamming on my brakes, dad if u're reading this, i know. i'm sorry, but he was like a 90 yr old asian and he had what was coming to him) and checked my car cuz he had a big fat dent where i thought i hit him, but he explained that i was already there from one of his previous fuck ups (go figure) and that he was so sorry, but it was because he's disabled. and i'm sorry if this is rude or ignorant, but if you're using your driving incapabilities excuse on having a handicap placard hanging from your rearview mirror, then you really need to stop driving. my boyfriend's mom has a placard and she drives just fine. needless to say, i was sooo shaken up and upset and irrational after this i just drove and my mom asked me to go to BJs cuz she was having a potato skin fix. (it runs in the fam). and i was like GREAT cuz i could use a drink! so we ended up just sitting @ the bar for a good hour, we had ONE bloody mary each and just talked and had a great time. and before i knew it, i had completely forgotten about the accident, was having a good time and laughing. i seriously forgot all my worries about this entire horribly awful month and was just HAPPY. i felt like my heart was dancing, and i honestly hadn't felt that ALLEVIATED in months on months. so after our ONE drink *don't judge me!* we went to Barnes & Noble, messed around, bought a few things and went back HOME and just hung out. i started getting sleepy because it was 630, and i was going on about 4 hours of sleep so i headed home and can't get over how great i feel. it's just nice to know mama can still kiss your booboos and make everything better.

ww update 2.

so, things are going so much more smoothly than i could've ever imagined and i'm trying REALLY hard not to get my hopes up or set my expectations TOO high because i know that you lose weight rapidly the first 3 weeks then it slows wayyyyyyy down, but i'm still pretty darn excited. (wow, that was the longest run-on sentence ever). anyways, i had my second weigh in today and i've lost 11.2 pounds!! it's been pretty smooth sailing. i feel like i'm learning a lot and keep telling myself "nothing tastes as good as thin feels." seriously, that quote is going to be the life of me. but i seriously would not be nearly as inspired without all the positive reinforcement from my friends and family. you guys are seriously amazing. you have no idea how much your positive words and thoughts do for me. even on days when i hate myself, i find room in my heart to love me instead, bcuz i know you guys love me. thank you all for being such beautiful human beings. <3>

ms. pennylane

well i haven't gotten a chance to write about the newest addition to our family, our new kitty pennylane. she's seriously shown me that i am NOT ready for a baby. i would've never guessed how much work and patience it takes to have a cat and she pushes the boundries every day!! but more than anything, she makes me smile (and laugh) every single day & fills my heart till it's about to burst. it's so nice having someone who's happy to see you every time you walk through the door. she cuddles with me every night and talks to me. i love how loyal she is. me & jason are trying really hard to try to train her, but it's not easy. i can't believe how much she's already grown.

this is her when we first got her, it's a little blurry but you can tell how tiny she is! she was so scared :(

jason pretends like he doesn't love her. he says it all the time, that he doesn't like cats and doesn't like her, but i catch him allll the time. he loves on her and plays with her when he thinks i'm not looking. it's so cute.

this is them napping:

and this is her after her first bath! it's one of my fave artsy fartsy pics of her:

i know i'm like the crazy cat lady and all, but i just wanted to share.<3

xo

ww update.

so today was my first weigh in. i've been sticking to my daily points very strictly this week. so far it's been easy, i just hope it keeps up this way. I tend to lose motivation once i see results, which doesn't make any sense at all, but when do i ever make sense? well, after a very quick 7 days, i've dropped 5.8 lbs! :) i'm happy and proud of myself and i hope i can keep it up. so, i've already reached my first goal (sooo stoked) but i know weight won't keep dropping this quickly, so my next goal is to lose a total of 10 lbs! so, i have 4.2 more lbs to lose! lets see if this week is as successful! i also wanted to thank all of my close family and friends, you have all been soooo encouraging and so amazing and on days when i want to snack or munch, i think of you and it helps me not break my diet bcuz it's easier to disappoint myself than to disappoint you! and my saying works wonders, i say it SO many times a day:

"nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

xo.

chubby bunny

that's me in high school. this is the picture i dwell on when i'm feeling especially, well let's face it, fat. i didn't realize how easy i had it in high school, i was in 3 sports and worked out several hours a day, so i got to eat whatever i wanted & it stayed off. i can't believe i thought i was fat then. well that was then and this is now, me... 30 lbs. heavier. so i've joined weight watchers again, for the third & last time. i can't believe how out of control i let myself become. i joined it a few months before sarah's wedding and lost, i think, around 10 or 15 pounds. and it felt great and now i can't remember for the life of me why i stopped. well, since then i've gained 17 lbs! since october! it makes me sick to even think of it. and i blame it on the fact that i'm comfortable and i love & that jason loves me for me and he loves my body the way it is. Well, i don't. So things are changing. Basically, I'm writing this blog because i know there are going to be times when weight watchers is getting a little too hard or strenuous for me *it's a lot of work!* so i'm going to fall back on this & write out my frustrations! my long term goal is to lose 30 lbs, but i'm going to set shorter goals for myself, to keep me motivated. i'm only on day two & i weigh in once a week *on wednesdays* so for short term, i'm going to look @ losing 5 lbs. i'm feeling really motivated & strong this time around, so hopefully this will stick. and hopefully i'll look even more fantastic in my after picture that the one i just posted. (yeah right, but we'll keep our hopes up anyway!) Jason's mom has been such a great source of motivation for me and the other night she told me something that i say to myself at least a few times a day, it really helps:

"nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

xo.