i learned today that i need to find a form of release. i realize that sounds perverted to you folks with your mind in the gutter, let me explain. i tend to be overwhelmed fairily easy. when it rains it pours and i always find myself outside, without an umbrella.. in my underwear. i feel like i have no passion in life. like the passions musicians or artists or PARENTS have. like, when i was in high school and i needed to release some energy (good or bad) the water was my escape. i'd go to the pool and swim some laps. my favorite sound was the sound of underwater. when u're holding ur breath and u can hear your hands slapping the water and ur feet kicking behind you. but now i'm fat and lazy and don't have a pool that i'm required to be in every 6th period. so when i find myself lost for words and actions in times like these, i feel like my hearts going to burst out of my chest and it all turns to anger and anxiety. i wish i was one of those people that could just go paint, or write a poem, or hug their child. but i have no extreme passion in life and it makes me feel like i'm just wasting time. i tell everyone that when they ask me why i'm not in school. because i don't know what i want to do! i want to be happy. and i don't care who says money can't buy happiness, because it can and it does. so therefore i need to make semi-decent money. idk, i feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. i know i'm an extremely hard worker and i know that if i was extraordinarily passionate about something, i'd find a way to make it work. but i'm not. i need inspiration.
ps. i realize this completely contradicts my last post. maybe i'm bipolar. i've never said "practice what you preach," maybe i'll give it a try... someday. just not today.
Passion is hard to come by. Most of the time we're just happy with our mediocre lives but when the fire dies we have to do something to make it spicy again. I understand how you feel sister. But the problem lies within ourselves, we're scared of change even if we don't want to admit it. That's why we don't just quit our jobs and dive head first into a new career or life path. So instead of us making excuses let's DO something about it k? Starting with a trip to LA for pictures!
ReplyDeleteI know what you can do! BLOG!!! You have such a talent when it comes to writing so you should "release" into that. I know that you feel that you don't have anything to write about, but just write about what you are feeling. As much as you blog for others to read it, blog for yourself. Like a diary or journal. That way you don't keep everything inside and feel like you are going to explode! We need your smiling face!!
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